Style Invitational Week 1211: Write us the best tweets in history Disparage a laudable figure of the past or present; plus winning creative crossword clues (Bob Staake/For The Washington Post ) By Pat Myers By Pat Myers Entertainment January 19 (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning creative crossword clues) This week’s contest was suggested by 166-time Loser Howard Walderman. The Empress has /no/ idea what might have inspired him. This week:*Write a stupidly disparaging tweet (140 characters or fewer, including spaces) about some laudable figure of past or present, true or fictional, * as in the example above. You may attribute it to anyone. Please don’t actually post it on Twitter until we post the results of this contest. *Submit entries at this website: * *bit.ly/enter-invite-1211 * (all lowercase). *Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial ,* the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets, apropos of the dignity of this week’s subject matter, receives Fishin’ for Floaters, a bathtub game in which the child (presumably) uses a little rod and net to snag some googly-eyed foam poos. Donated by Nan Reiner. The Style Invitational will not stoop to discussing "golden showers," but we will happily give out a prize useful for bathtub-cleaning. *Other runners-up *win the yearned-for “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” Loser mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind” or “Magnum Dopus.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Jan. 30; results published Feb. 19 (online Feb. 16). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Jesse Frankovich; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jon Gearhart. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *CAUGHT IN THE CROSS-HARS: REPORT FROM WEEK 1207* In Week 1207 we asked you to supply creative clues for any of the words in a grid by Washington Post Sunday crossword constructor Evan Birnholz; here are the best among them. (To see Evan’s original clever clues, go to bit.ly/devilcross2 and scroll down to the blank grid.) Note that you have to look at many of these clues flexibly; even the hint “2 wds” might mean that one of them is an abbreviation (e.g., “Ew, OK”) or a single letter (“Alp O”). 4th place: *CHESTS:* Besides booty, what pirates and pageants have in common (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio.) 3rd place *ALPO:* “What is ___ ?” — Gary Johnson to starving dog (Dave Matuskey, Sacramento) The grid that provided this week’s words. To see Evan’s own clues from 2014, go to bit.ly/devilcross2 and scroll down to the blank grid. (Grid by Evan Birnholz/DevilCross.com) 2nd place /and the Chia Homer (Simpson) plant-growing sculpture:/ *AKA:* Three letters few imagined would ever appear between “The Leader of the Free World” and “The Donald” (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: *PLETHORA:* “Daffy Duck requethts the ___ your company at the marriage of his daughter.” (Hildy Zampella, Falls Church, Va.) Nada clue: honorable mentions *ITSATRAP: *Where the music scene is these days (3 wds) (Mae Scanlan, Washington) *MEINHERR:* Fraulein’s excuse: “Sorry, I have to wash ____” (2 wds) (George-Ann Rosenberg, Washington) *IPHONE:* What I do when the telegraph’s down (2 wds) (Steve Fahey, Kensington, Md.) *SENTENCE:* The only instance where commuting is a relief (Bruce Ryan, Bellevue, Wash., a First Offender) *DEIDRE: *Latin for “Headphones of God” (2 wds) (Ivars Kuskevics, Takoma Park, Md.) *CITE:* Shift all blame to previous researchers (Peter Boice, Rockville, Md.) *CITE:* What Dan Quayle enjoyed flying as a child (Dave Matuskey) *LPS: *Scalped scalps (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) *AWFUL:* Like a new parent’s Facebook page (Leonard Williams, Fort Wayne, Ind.) *ALAS:* The Nationals’ traditional season-ending cheer (Jeff Hazle) *ALAS:* Chicken King and Pie Mode (Steve Glomb, Alexandria, Va.) *SPITS:* Next baseball stat they’ll track? (Michael Rosen, New York) *HEARSES: * Box cars (Jeff Hazle; Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.) *HEARSES: * Practices only once (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) *IDOTOO:* How I make two circles look like boobs (3 wds, sort of) (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase, Md.) *ITALY:* Home of the leera (Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.) *AKA:* What a Bostonian might use to get around (2 wds) (Duncan Stevens) *ELSE:* The alternative that no kid is brave enough to make Mom use (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) *SOBS: * Tear/jerks (Danielle Nowlin; Chris Doyle) *SOBS: *Textspeak to reply to your no-count boyfriend’s excuses (2 wds) (Jesse Frankovich) *IDARESAY:* Expression seldom heard in N. Korea (3 wds) (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala. ) *TORSOS:* Greek island famous for topless beaches (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) *NECKLINE:* When this goes down, eyebrows go up (Hildy Zampella) *NECKLINE:* “Wanna make out?” (Mark Raffman) *SWEETENS:* Try these if M&M’s are too bitter for you (David Peckarsky, Tucson) *TEE:* Devo follower (Chris Doyle) *SINCLAIR:* Response of zero men to “Who’s your favorite Upton”? (Mark Raffman) *THETA:* “Who do I have to sleep with to pass this class?” (2 wds) (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.) *THETA:* It’s inside Mrs. Cyclops’s bra (2 wds) (Mark Raffman) *RENEWS:* What you hear from the Glass-Enclosed Nerve Center if you listen more than 10 minutes (Lindsay McClelland, Fairfax, Va.) *RENEWS:* What happens when Stimpy passes gas (2 wds) (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, Va.) *PRELUDE: * Part of a visit with Cosby that both parties can remember (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) *APE:* What some people go when mimicked (Loyd Dillon, Charlotte, a First Offender) *GODARK:* The Trump yacht (2 wds) (Barry Sackin, Murrieta, Calif.) *PLETHORA: *A whole gang of Israeli folk dancers (Elliott Shevin, Oak Park, Mich.) *HASH:* How the librarian responded when she liked your joke (2 wds) (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.) *ALPO:* A “peak” achieved on the Matterhorn — the real Mile High Club (2 wds) (Jeff Shirley) *FIRSTAID: *Birch brash, but ___ (2 wds) (Steve Langer) *STRIPTEASE:* Patron saint of fart jokes (Jesse Frankovich) *STRIPTEASE:* Will Blondie get in the tub with Dagwood? Find out tomorrow! (Ricardo Rodriguez, Springfield, Va.) *EWOK:* “That’s disgusting! . . . Oh, what the heck, let’s do it” (2 wds) (Seth Christenfeld, New York, a First Offender) *EWOK:* Range of response to the “Access Hollywood” tape (hyph) (Dave Silberstein, College Park, Md.) *EWOK:* “Mr. Fudd, where did you say Baghdad was?” (Jesse Frankovich) *SEGA:* Genesis of Genesis (Amy Harris, Charlottesville, Va.) *SEGA:* What Benjamin Button does backward (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) *CHESTS: * What plastic surgeons get their treasure from (Jesse Frankovich) *CHESTS: * What Guevara wore under his dress shirts (2 wds) (Chris Doyle) *HILTON:* Quality control check at Swords R Us (2 wds) (Duncan Stevens) *UNSURE:* An odorant/pro-perspirant (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) *UNSURE: *Nikki Haley’s response when Trump offered her a job (2 wds) (Steve Glomb) *ALSACE: * What wasn’t up Gore’s sleeve in 2000 (2 wds) (Kevin Dopart, Washington) *ITSY:* Site where DJT buys his custom-made gloves (Barry Sackin) *ANN: *What the cattle brand looks like at the Lazy Z Ranch (2 wds) (Liz Thelander, Bend, Ore., a First Offender) *YES:* Type of man dictators prefer (Howard Walderman) *YES: *Being English, they couldn’t title their big hit “Traffic Circle” (Roy Ashley, Washington) *Still running — deadline Monday night, Jan. 23: our “joint legislation” contest. See bit.ly/invite1210 *